Equivalent Exchange
by Mischief Mage
Summary: Twoshot or IS it? It's Christmas time, gifts all around! That is, between everyone except two people. What form of gift exchange will Kyouya devise for himself and Haruhi?
1. Chapter 1

**Mischief Mage: **Hello to all! This is just a two-shot little fic i wrote. It's the 24th where i am write now and i'll post the final chapter on the 25th. I think i'll leave any explanation until the end of this chapter. While there is very little of it in this chapter, this fic has a wee bit of KyouyaxHaruhi. By the way, i apologise in advance for any grammar errors. In order to get this up in time, i wasn't able to proof-read it as well as i would have liked. Nonetheless, enjoy!

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'Then let us all with o-one acc-ord  
Sing praises to-o our he-ea-venly Lord  
That hath made Heav'n and Earth of nought  
And wi-ith his blo-od manki-ind has bought.  
No-el, No-o-el, No-el, No-el  
Born is the Ki-ing of Is-s-raeeeaaaargh!'

Kyouya irritably flicked the pompom on the end of his elf hat.

'Hikaru, Kaoru, would you be so kind as to remove the miniature Christmas tree from Tamaki's left nostril?'

'Fine fine'

A few moments later, an indignant Tamaki fell to his knees, tightly clutching his nose as though it might fall off.

'Nyou waond ged ady pwsnds fwon Thanda ith you'rah nawhety'

'Sorry Tono, but-' Hikaru said blandly.

'-We don't speak "nincompoop"' Kaoru finished for him.

'I saaaid' Tamaki glowered at the twins from his spot on the floor, hand removed from his nose, '"You won't get any presents from Santa if you're naughty"'

'We might be naughty but singing all six verses of the First Noel in that ridiculous voice is the ultimate evil.'

'It was_not _a ridiculous voice.'

Kyouya kneaded his temples before saying in his mother voice:

'I'll give you three seconds to shut up. Three-'

He didn't need to go any further.

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house (or rather, school) no creature had been stirring, mainly because everyone was at the Host club tea party in the third music room. There had been no lessons but the Club had asked the Superintendent for permission to open the room for the final Host function of the year.

Suoh Santa or rather Father Tamaki as he implored Haruhi to call him, had flaunted his stuff with his Head Elf, Twin Reindeer, Christmas Tree (Mori), Present (Honey) and Mr Frosty (an aptly named Haruhi after she had refused point blank to dress as Mrs Claus.)

Mr Haruhi Frosty, the effect of a blazing white suit and black top hat with silver sequins ruined somewhat with a large carrot nose, lay diagonally across the couch. Ranka had head off overseas with Susie and their lovers on a holiday. He had been loath to be away from Haruhi during Christmas, as was his daughter, but the way Haruhi saw it, if he and his boyfriend were going to be spending their time doing what adults do best, she would rather that they were overseas.

As lonely as it would be, it would be nice to finally have some peace and quiet, watch some of the Christmas specials on TV, wrap Kazumi's present…actually get some sleep.

'Haruhiiii' chirped a quartet of the twins, Tamaki and Honey.

'Ngphizzle?' Haruhi replied in a tired voice.

'It's_present_ tiiime!'

'Hn? Haven't we already had present time?' she asked sitting up and stifling a yawn.

Tamaki waved away the insignificant fact that half the music room had been filled with various extravagant gifts from the customers that had given to their favourite hosts (albeit food gifts to Honey which had disappeared like snow in the path of a flamethrower)

'Au contraire, princess' he explained dramatically, 'We haven't given you your gifts from us!'

'Oh yeah' Haruhi remembered, pulling her shoulder bag over, 'I got you guys-'

She looked up to Tamaki and saw instead, a pure gold heart locket, engraved with intricate patterns that twisted and writhed about a small key hole. Tamaki's hand clicked it open to reveal a small picture of the entire club. He let it fall into her hands before she could protest at the extravagance and unnecessary cost of the gift.

'Merry Christmas Haruhi' he said quietly in a sincere voice.

Haruhi could only stare wordlessly at the necklace in her hands.

'Our turn!' The twins chimed, infallibly destroying any awkwardness.

Out of the dressing room came a large trunk on wheels, out of that large trunk on wheels came:

'The latest winter styles from our mother's line!'

The twins held up various coats, boots, hats, scarves, dresses and jewellery. It was the first Christmas they had ever had with their Dear Toy so they had pulled out all stops.

Next came Honey and Mori, accompanied by a large hamper. By large hamper I mean the size of a small bath tub. Haruhi's eyes turned to dinner plates as she gazed over imported cheese, hams, wild pork, smoked fish, preserves and deserts. Secretly, she was now glad that she might be spending the festive day alone; alone with her scrumptious dinner that was.

'Oh and we also booked you a van to carry all your presents home'

There was a brief period of silence as the gift givers glowed with triumph at a job well done and a Haruhi well-spoilt. At last Hunny cocked his head to one side and tottered over to where Mr Frosty sat.

'Uhh…Haru-chan? Say something. You're scaring me.'

'Well, I have some gifts for you all as well.'

The Ouran High School grounds were momentarily torn open by an anguished scream as Tamaki, Hikaru and Kaoru all simultaneously imagined the shame they must have put her through in giving her gifts that she could never afford on the tiny amount of money which she lived by.

_Now,_ Haruhi felt like dying of irritation and embarrassment. She told them so which shut them up and give her quivering ear drums some quiet repose. Haruhi had never begrudged her friends wealth and had long ago realised that resisting their gifts and offerings only lead to further drama. However, she did find their exaggeration of her 'sufferings' irritating. It wasn't like she was living out of rubbish bins.

Digging her hand down into the deep regions of her bag, Haruhi extracted a pencil case sized gift covered in reused Christmas wrapping paper.

'This one's for you Honey-senpai'

Nodding bashfully, Honey took the gift.

'Mori-senpai'

Silently, the tall senior removed the parcel from her hands.

'Hikaru'

'Kaoru'

They came up together to accept separate gifts, they looked at each other confusedly.

'Tamaki'

The senior took the gift and held it to his chest, a single tear trailing down his cheek.

'Haruhi gave me a gift.' He whispered in a dreamy voice, 'I've waited for this day for-'

'Just open them.'

Haruhi sat contentedly for a moment as the room was filled with the sound of tearing. But her peace didn't last very long as she was bowled over by a rapturous Honey who was clutching the bunny tooth brush and candy flavoured tooth paste she had bought for him.

'Uhh Tono?' Kaoru asked from behind the chair, gingerly nudging a seemingly lifeless Tamaki with his foot.

The Host Club King lay sprawled on the floor, clutching his gift, the newest range of commoner candies and collectibles, to his heart and sobbing uncontrollably in incandescent joy.

'Tamaki-senpai, get up. I don't want to be responsible for you drowning in your own tears.' Haruhi said flatly.

Meanwhile, Kaoru had returned Hikaru. They hadn't opened their gifts yet but tore them open now.

'Huh?'

In their hands sat two cuboid parcels. One was large, square and thin and the other was short and squat. They were both clearly books. There was a label attached to each of the presents. Hikaru's read 'To Kaoru' and Kaoru's read 'To Hikaru. They both looked to their friend for an explanation.

Haruhi grinned and complied: 'Well you guys are the most important thing to each other right? So I got you gifts which you could then give to each other'

Silently, the twins turned to one another and swapped gifts. Hikaru snickered as the festive wrapping revealed 'The Big Book of Commoner's Pranks.' Meanwhile, Kaoru unearthed a hardback novel with the title printed on the dark front in gold letters, 'Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.'

'You said you'd be interested in reading her works while we were in English one day remember? And because you said you wanted a better idea of how a girl's mind worked.'

Kaoru grinned bashfully, thinking back to the events that had taken place earlier that year.

'Haruhi…what's this that you got for Senior Mori?'

'Hmm?'

Tamaki and Honey were all bent over a small white plastic oval that lay flat on Mori's lowered hands. Tamaki prodded it experimentally with a slender finger.

'Is it a UFO?' Honey asked in all seriousness.

To explain, Mori picked the object up, put what seemed to be the mouth piece to his mouth and blew. The white object produced a single, reedy note.

'It's one of those things that Barbershop Quartets use to find their note before singing' Haruhi explained, Mori nodded.

'But why buy one for Senior Mori?' the curious Kaoru asked, staring blankly at her.

'Oh I see!' Honey grinned, 'Because Takashi was head hunted by the music club to perform with the school choir at the formal assembly when school starts up again after New Years.'

The expressions on the faces of the twins and his highness had lost none of their incredulity although they were now directed to the slightly red face of Senior Mori. They stared in disbelief for about a minute. At length, Tamaki took the tiniest step away from the tall senior.

'I'm just going to go home now I think…' he muttered, holding his hand to his forehead, 'had a bit of a shock'

'Yeah we could do with a lie down.' The twins agreed, clutching each other tight and gazing up at the apparently musically inclined giant that they had grown to appreciate as merely part of the scenery. It was like going into a theatre production and, having read too much into the word 'pantomime,' being taken aback when the open act had consisted of soloistic singing and hill-billy dance routines.

'I guess we'd better head home too Takashi! Our families won't be very happy if we're late to dinner.'

'Hey, yeah!' Hikaru half skipped as he grabbed Kaoru round the shoulders.

'Mom and Dad are back for the week!' they shouted together, punching the air.

Tamaki paled. 'Dinner? Dinner!? I forgot that I have dinner with that old geezer tonight!' Shovelling as many of his gifts from the day into his pocket and loading his arm with a small tower of parcels, he hurried out the door, calling back 'Merry Christmas and to all a good night!'

Haruhi sighed and removed her carrot nose as the room slowly emptied of both hosts and gifts. The men Honey had hired came in to drive her gifts home; they had brought two vans so that they could leave one with the gifts at her house to be picked up in the morning when she had emptied it.

At last, she was left alone in the music room with only a few forlorn looking parcels and the one person who had managed to avoid involvement with any of the gift-giving frenzy.

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**Right, so you might be wanting some answers. Firstly, with regards to Mori's gift, have you heard the song 'Itsumo soba ni'? It's done by his seiyu and i was VERY impressed. So i just had to drop it in there haha. Look it up if you're curious. Next, the Kaoru wanting to 'understand how girls think' better thing,** **is a minor reference to my other Ouran fic 'Bye bye Rentboy' (which i have not completed yet...whoops.) Anyway, thanks for reading. The next chapter will be up tomorrow if you fancy having a look. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Mischief Mage: **I guess it really must be Christmas. I promised that i'd have a chapter out today and i was right huzzah! Anyway, here's the final chapter. Hope that you've enjoyed reading it; i've certainly enjoyed writing it. Thank you for your lovely reviews. I wish you all a safe, joyful, AMAZING Christmas.

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'Are you taking the bus home?' Kyouya asked conversationally. He had changed into jeans and a black coat.

'Yeah I think so' Haruhi answered, wrapping a scarf about her neck.

'I'll walk you down to the gate.'

'Oh no, don't feel obliged to–'

'Incidentally, the car will be waiting for me down at the gate.'

_Typical_ Haruhi thought.

Haruhi stood out in the corridor as Kyouya turned off the lights and locked the double doors to the music room. Together they trotted down the stairs and out the school doors into the cold. Her cheeks quickly began to glow with the cold. She wrapped her arms about herself. It wasn't snowing heavily but the little wind present was wickedly chilly.

'I've been told that your father will not be spending Christmas with you this year.' Kyouya said, wiping snowflakes from his glasses.

'Yeah, he's overseas with Susie. What about your family?'

'My sister is staying with her husband's family this year. My brothers and Father are occupied at the Hospitals and would not take part in any festivities even if that were not the case.'

Haruhi's ears sensed the slightest tone of bitterness in his voice. It's the sad fact that the Christmas holiday season, whilst meaning joy for many, is a time of sorrow and strife for others; car accidents, drunken antics, cases of domestic violence multiplying as the unfortunate come to terms with their wretched lives with the only way they know how: hard drugs and alcohol. Needless to say, along with its usual patients, the great influx of additional festive crises would certainly keep the hospitals working on overtime.

'That's not really fair.' She said, hunching her shoulders so that her neck receded further into her coat and plunging her freezing fingers deep into her jacket pockets. She had managed to forget her gloves at home. 'Christmas is about families and time together with the people you love.'

'You are in the same situation as I am.'

'Yeah but…it was self-inflicted.'

Sighing, a tuft of steam curling over itself as it vanished, Kyouya removed his gloves and pressed them into her frigid hands.

'Kyouya-senpai…'

'I would rather not look like I'm walking with a hobo'

Haruhi looked away, a dry smile playing about her lips. So much for Christmas spirit

'Anyway,' he continued, 'it makes little difference. It has been more than two decades since my father celebrated Christmas. It's not a traditional Japanese event to him and if anything it's just a waste of expense. I have not been raised with the customs and therefore lack any of the 'Christmas spirit' which you may be familiar with. So that might explain to you why I alone did not have a gift prepared for you today.'

After from the minor panic at having her mind read again, Haruhi conceded that she had been wondering about that and apologised for not having a gift for him.

'I just wasn't sure what to get you,' she said apologetically, 'I can't afford anything of great value so I wanted my gifts to have a deeper meaning.'

Kyouya didn't say anything. He seemed to be feeling the cold now. The senior's face rarely changed in colour despite having a wardrobe-full of different expressions which he could throw on whenever he pleased. In truth, he was just as much of an actor as the twins. But his cheeks and the tip of his nose were now a shiny pink.

Haruhi pressed on.

'But I know the Ootori family has the wealth and means to get any item that they desire,' she reasoned, 'And you've has admitted to me that you function under a merit system; doing only what benefits you most.'

Haruhi sighed. 'I've deduced that far, but I still haven't managed to define what you count as a benefit worth deriving.'

Openly nonplussed, she looked up at Kyouya as though for an explanation. She was taken-aback to see laughter glinting in his eye and seeping out into a grin.

'You may think that I'm a mind reader' he said, his voice more alike that which he projected when he was amongst customers (Haruhi twitched remembering that she had never told him that he had the uncomfortable tendency to read her thoughts,) 'But as a reader of character your ability seems unparalleled. Not saying that you're correct of course.'

She gave a modest closed-mouth smile.

'So what are we going to do about these presents then?' Haruhi asked playfully, feeling more at ease.

'Hmm?'

'I'm still planning to give you something. I just haven't thought what.' She explained in a rush.

Bringing his now bare hands from his pockets, Kyouya put his thumb to his chin as he thought.

Likewise, Haruhi allowed her mind to wander. She watched her senior out of the corner of her eye. As much as her logical side told her that senior Kyouya only did that which benefited him, part of her agreed with Tamaki-senpai that Kyouya was actually a very passionate person. It seemed to part of her that Kyouya acted upon whim but had the presence of mind to imagine some benefit from what he had done after he had done it. Therefore, he managed to maintain an image of the collected young master whilst not surrendering any natural urges.

After all, he it hadn't been necessary to give her his gloves. Neither had it been necessary to walk her down to the gate; the car could have driven up to the school. He could gain no monetary benefit from her friendship. So there must be another form of merit. The small part of her that was pure in female hormone screamed something incoherent. It made her heart skip occasionally which was irritating. She wished it would stop.

'I've got it.' Kyouya said, snapping her out of her day dream.

'Got what?'

His dark eyes scrutinised her until she remembered, which didn't take long.

'Oh right, the gifts. I'm listening.'

'As my gift to you, I,' he said, shivering hands disappearing back into the pockets of his large coat, 'will invite you to Christmas dinner with me tomorrow night. It seems a wrong to be alone on Christmas.'

The wee bit of Haruhi that liked to play with dolls and gossip screamed a bit louder.

'I thought you said you didn't have Christmas spirit. Liar. And…what would I give you then?' she asked, partly dreading the answer.

'You would accept my invitation.'

'…That's all?'

'That's all.'

'Don't you think that's a bit unfair?' Haruhi asked, brow furrowed.

'In what way? Did I ask too much?' He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye; nothing too worried looking of course.

'No! Just…it seems that my present is overshadowed a bit by yours.'

'Hmmm? You think so? Alright, in that case, I ask you to also wear that dress the twins gave you today.'

Haruhi said nothing. Her mind was racing; someone had kidnapped the real Kyouya and now someone was impersonating him. She could scream…or kick him in the knackers and run…and _then _scream or–

'What do I need to do to make you believe that I'm being serious?'

Sighing, Haruhi patted her inner girl on the head and admitted that perhaps she had been right about whatever she had been making a fuss over.

'Okay I believe you.'

'So how about it?'

'Yes alright.' She said, wincing slightly as her inner girl squealed loudly and began thinking about what to do with Haruhi's hair and what shoooes. Oh! Oh! And _earrings_ and that she was just _so_ excited.

'Kyouya-senpai? May I ask you one question: What benefit do you get from inviting me to dinner?'

'Back to the benefits? Do you enjoy thinking of me in that way?'

She wished that he hadn't referenced her tendency to think at length about him. It made the now ecstatic girl inside of her blush. Not that it showed on the outside of course.

'You're not answering the question.'

'That's because…'

But Haruhi could see him floundering, for the first time in her life.

'You haven't had time to come up with a benefit to suit what you've done, have you?'

Kyouya managed only to look bewildered.

'It doesn't matter' Haruhi said nonchalantly, walking on. As she took her steps, she knew that inside she had taken a step further in understanding the senior. She chuckled, 'So I suppose I now owe you something for that question?'

Kyouya grinned, 'Indeed, and I know just the thing.'

'And what's that?'

He turned to look at her. She couldn't see his eyes behind his glasses, flecked with snow. But she knew that he was looking straight at her. The glow in her cheeks strengthened as she felt something other than the cold.

'May I hold your hand as I walk you to the bus stop? I need to keep a hold of that glove in case I forget it.'

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**Again, Merry Christmas everyone!**


End file.
